This posting is after a veeery long time… Let me summarize my life post last posting:
1. I had exams… my last semester in Law which was filled with ups and downs… my grades kept on going down since I started my uni education abt 3 years ago but I made a lot more friends this last year…
2. My exams resulting are coming this weekend, which is gonna be crazy becos I have this horrible feeling I didn’t do my best this semester.
3. The post-exam parties were great – Vishal’s party was ok… free alcohol but the rest of the party sucked ass… he was good host no doubt abt that but the music and the crowd was soooo boring… in other words… there were no good looking women (‘slut’ or ‘whores’) at all – V’s house cum karaoke was good… I missed the V’s house party as I was enjoying the company of one of my profs down at wine company (now now dn’t think anything weird) but made it to the karaoke, which was interesting and I went crazy and sang like a drunken indian guy (trust me -people who have heard me speak will know how bad that would have been) – Random parties – crashed two parties – one which some law guy threw to surprise his gf (sweet) and the second a few friends threw to surprise their friend
4. Internships – I did my first the first week after exams and it was surprising fun…. I am gonna post a separate post on this later….
5. I broke up with my gf and this time it was not because of her parents…..
This posting was suppose to be all abt note 5….. people who know me would have released that I am someone with a split personality…. and unfortunately most of people would only see my asshole side.. the criticizing, annoying, hypocritical and stubborn law student… and the lucky few (just two people in this whole world) would have noticed the other side…. However, apparently I have being giving my outer personality so much attention and that it has redefined my other personality…. from the guy who pretended to being a ‘criticizing, annoying, hypocritical and stubborn law student’ I had become one…
Most ask me why would be even pretend to be such a person…. some people come up with a fake accent to blend into a society others start drinking and smoking to get ‘into the click’…. so it is merely normal in this society for people to change to adjust or feel more comfortable in a foreign environment… but the weird thing is I never did so to ‘fit in’……
I am a strong believer in not getting too attached to people or things in life… the more attached you are the harder it is gonna be when you have to let go, which I believe in a eventually when it comes to anything – as they say ‘nothing lasts forever’. Therefore, I came up with a shield that repel the most desperate social junkies…. But like the guy who comes with a fake accent or the social drinker or smoker I too got absorbed into what I was doing that I lost what is real and what is not…..
The sad thing is that it become so unbearable to my ex… the worst thing is that I didn’t know that she even found it annoying or disturbing…. from being a criticizer to bringing her down to all sorts of things… I am sure most guys and girls who have been in a relationship have heard this…. imagine ur partner telling you that your no longer the person he/she fell in love with….. change…. how much can a person change so that he would be fundamentally a different person and without that person even knowing it….
However, the interesting thing about change is that it is not permanent… an asshole today can be gentlemen the next day and vice versa… so I need to think whether I should change back to what I once was or should have just move ahead being this colded hearted asshole…. if i chose the former I have a chance, a mere possibility that she might go out wit me again and the latter would make a person strong enough to met the challenges of the law profession…. emotional attachments and kindness does not go a long way in the career that I am in…. I have learned that unfortunate way where honestly and good faith got me D for a module…. Maybe I need to examine the career path I am in…. Maybe I need to examine my personality……. But the question still remains is she worth it ??? Answer would be resounding yes….. In sickness and in health till death do us part…. a wedding woe taken by couple… but the amount of commitment I have to make us work I will try to make us work even if that means that I have go through hell to make it happen….