Love….

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Every single day we come across this word…. Everyone loves someone whether it maybe their boyfriends, girlfriend, parents, relatives or even strangers. Yet, what do you mean when you say that ‘you love X’. ‘love’ is a word that has mystified humans for centuries and this post is my take on it.

In this modern society people no longer say that just love is enough to make a relationship work. The Famous late Amercian Actress Bettie Davies once stated that

‘Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone – but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding’

She was perfectly right to point on the pliable and yielding nature of love. Love by its nature is very normative term. No one can define what love is. For the individuals who believe in God would define God has unconditional love without limits. Others who love their parents define love comprising of respect and honor for the years and years hard work and sacrifices made to bring them up. Then maybe, love differs in its meaning depending in its context ?

At the beginning we must it is important to differentiate love from infatuation or being in love (Verliebtheit), which is associated with a pathological feeling (Leidenschaft): “That the state of being in love (Verliebtheit) manifests itself abnormally can be explained by the fact that other amorous states outside the analytic cure resemble abnormal rather than normal psychic phenomena”. Being in love is essentially marked by an overestimation of the love object and a devaluation of the self that resembles the condition of melancholia.

The genesis of love begins with the oral relation of the infant’s mouth and the mother’s breast: “The picture of the child at the mother’s breast has become the model of all sexual relations” . Also, in choosing an object later in life, the child will attempt “to reestablish this lost happiness”. But this happiness, even if it is marked by this choice of a primary infantile object, must later reunite and conjoin two libidinal currents, the tender current arising from infantile cathexis and the sensual current that appears during puberty, “The man will leave his mother and father—as the Bible indicates—and will follow his wife—tenderness and sensuality are therefore reunited”. This can only occur through the loss of the infantile object choice: “The individual human must devote himself to the difficult task of separating from his parents,”

So is this merely a life long journey to reestablish that lost love between a new born and its mother ? Maybe that’s why no matter how much we get hurt by relationships i.e. love, we still keep on trying and trying. Maybe love is merely a personal accomplishment enshrined in each human and has nothing to do with the other parties involved in the relationship. Maybe its like human instinct like self-preservation or something…. Since most of us do not know how the ‘infant’s mouth and the mother’s breast’ relationship feels like we blindly search trying to define each encounter as THE feeling that makes us as humans complete. We always carry one half with us from birth till death yet the other half, the perfect other half, finding that is where man’s greatest challenge lies.

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