Monthly Archives: July 2008

Professional enlightenment

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Working in this profession enlightens you more than you really need to be. It’s true how they say ignorance is bliss. Sometimes it’s important that you don’t know everything. I wish that humans could filter out what we to want to know from what we find out but really just wish wasn’t true. If we could just press ctrl+delete (permanent delete function in comps) and it’s gone and you never knew that it existed. Blissfully ignorant and happy…. Why so concerned…. Life is just as you picture it…..

The last few weeks I have had the privilege of doing a family law attachment under one of the best (if not the best) family lawyer in Singapore. It gave me an insight or a better understanding on how messed up people can be even towards someone they vowed to spent the rest of their lives with. An unforgettable experience I had was a few days ago when during the hearing the husband under oath said that he was actually in love with someone else even before this couple got married (this couple dated fro 5 years) and he still hadfeeling for this third party (who btw was a total bitch). Upon hearing this, the wife just got up from her seat and said (this precisely what she said) “ But you promised… till death do us part” which was instantly followed by her crashing to the floor weeping like her heart was gonna stop. The husband and his mistress both stared at her unemotional and he just continued with his story. This was merely one out of 20 plus cases I got to handle while I was there. Most of these cases having the same plot but of course less melodramatic. The funny sad thing is that these divorce couples range from couples who have dated for a few weeks to a few months to even over 10 years (And I handled an arrange marriage divorce proceeding as well so don’t have your hopes up these kinds of marriages either). So, all this did was make me think about how much we really know people even the ones that are really close to us like our parents, best friends, our wives/husbands etc.

With regards to parents, best friends or even close relatives finding out the truth can be painful but for some weird reason (which I shall figure out soon) is no where closer to finding out hidden secrets about your partner. Why ?…. Maybe because end of the day, people really need just one other person to survive and be happy. If not why did God create only Adam and Eve and not Adam, Eve, their parents and a few close friends and relatives!

After these three weeks I have made these observations about the couples that end up in divorce.

Firstly, we are have the wrong perception that we need all these accessories such as parents, relatives, close friends etc to survive. Our whole live we try to make new friends and please the other ones we have. Finding a ‘life long’ partner (as people call it now a gf or bf) is an accessory acitivty or even a past time we do when we find some time off our busy schedules. Note: busy schedules involves: 9am-6pm work day (9-11pm for lawyers), having a few drinks with your friends, visiting you parents on the weekends and spending some alone time. After deducting all this time, we are only left a few hours a week to meet someone who hope to spend the rest of your life with !!!

The people who actually meet that perfect person are like the people who strike the lottery i.e. one person does it and he/she’s just lucky. For all the other ordinary people like you and me we are just buying a ticket (note: translates into – date a girl or guy) and hope that ticket wins. If it does you can always try again and again and again till either your broke or no one else is buying tickets.

Honestly, it saddens to compare the inviolable institution of marriage to a sadist gambling game such as a lottery but that what it has become. I don’t know much about wedding vows but from watching so much TV show I know that the priest during the ceremony does ask: Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep [him/her] For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to [him/her] so long as you both shall live?”

Which is answered by “I do”. After these three weeks I believe that most couple don’t really understand the gravity of these two words or three charcaters. If they ever did then how on earth can they turn around and file for a divorce a month or a week down the line?……. Yeah yeah…. Most people tell me its cos we just don’t go together or we just drew apart. Well if they had taken some off their freaking busy schedules to spent a little more time trying to find someone who they know they can spend the rest of their live with maybe they won’t be in this mess in the first palce. Of course, someone would say no matter how much time we spend together you can’t know someone 100% right nor be like him 100% right ? True enough but what’s important is that you know enough about your partner that even when unexpected surprises come up getting a divorce is not the first option. End of the day, honestly, if your not ready to stand in front of the whole world, look into her eyes and say “I do” knowing that nothing can ever feel this right then don’t go down that road. Trust me it NEVER ends well….. For me, I have been unfortunate to have fallen in love only once. Back then only a few months down I knew that she was the only one I would say “I do” to and even after so many year there is still a part of me that knows that she would be the only one I could ever say “I Do” to.

Which H is it ?

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A few lucky individuals got the opportunity to actually hear the outgoing NUS president give his final speech at the 2008 Commencement. Others (like me) only had the opportunity to read his speech off the net. I found his speech truly touching and anyone who has a bit of free time (its only 6 pages) should read it at http://www.nus.edu.sg/president/speeches/2008/commencement_1.htm

I specially enjoyed this part and he gave me a perspective on things which I was quite blindful till then.

Head or Heart?

Moving on from NUS, you will have many decisions to make. Which job to take? Finding a life partner? Fulfilling family obligations? Pursuing your dreams? Or just toeing the line?

These are questions that have also gone through my mind. Indeed, a younger colleague asked me recently how I made the choices in my life. She was curious about how one might go about making some of the big decisions in life.

I said to her: “For big decisions, it is not enough to think with your head, listen also to your heart. If you want to buy a car think rationally, with your head – you pay daily for it. If you are deciding on a life partner, go with your heart. You live with that person for a lifetime.”

Someone else in the conversation disagreed with me. He said: “Use your head, be calculating and logical for marriage. You know, the passion ends after the honeymoon. Your spouse is someone you have to put up with daily, and pay for dearly. Now when it comes to buying a car, you want to be passionate and follow your heart. Because you aren’t stuck with it for life and it won’t argue with you.”

The question is: Use your head or listen to your heart? Be logical and calculating, or go with your instincts and intuitions? You most likely would have found yourself in situations where your head and heart were at odds. This is the perennial dilemma – the head or the heart?

Then he tries to provide a way in order to strike a balance between these two:

Each time, I have recalled something my mother taught me: “It’s very good to want something, but you must not want something so much that you can’t bear to live without it. To go far, be ready to give up what you already have.” My mother was a Buddhist, and this was her understanding of the principle of non-attachment.

This principle has helped me through life. It taught me to be passionate, but not obsessed; to be determined, but not to define myself by either my successes or my failures. I have learned that non-attachment gives the mental and emotional resilience to get beyond failures and setbacks. You can also enjoy your successes without taking yourself too seriously.

I take comfort in knowing that ultimately, my decisions at each of the crossroads were not held back by the familiar, the comfortable, or attachment to what I might have accomplished.

After reading his speech I am almost convinced how brilliant people (like he or me) think alike. I just hope his future en devours are as rewarding and successful as it has been so far.

Emotional Backlog…..

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This was post was started to write a few weeks back but never managed to write anything that was in my head. Then, I came across this song on 91.3 morning show (which btw I really enjoy) while on the MRT. After, I got to work I youtubed this song and managed to listen to this artist’s other songs as well. These two songs (first: Its not over, second: Over you) just seems to illustrate how things have changed over the last few months. Two months ago I would posted the first song but now the second song just seems so appropriate.

Its Not Over

I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sence.
Your takin away everything
And I can’t do without.

I try to see the good in life.
The good things in life are hard to find.
We’re blowin away, blownin away
Can we make this something good?

Well I’ll try to do to it right this time around
It’s not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It’s not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It’s not over.

I’ve taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We’re wastin too much time
Bein strong, holdin on
Can’t let it bring us down

My life with you means everything
So I won’t give up that easily
Blowin away blowin away
Can make this something good?
Cause it’s all misunderstood?

Well I’ll try to do to it right this time around
It’s not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It’s not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It’s not over.

You can’t let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don’t get caught up in yourself
Let it out.

Let’s start over
Well try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It’s not over.

Lets start over
Its not over
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It’s not over

Over You

Now that it’s all said and done,
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

(chorus goes on a few more times)

Interesting precedents ???

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Working at a law firm can fun in more than one way. One of things I enjoy the most is all the funny personal stories I hear from the clients. Unfortuately, I can’t write about them here due to my firm’s confidentiality rules. However, the precedent cases I have to read to do research for my firm can be just as hilarious and amusing. These are some of them I came across:

1. While research on contempt of court (i.e. in layman’s terms: to say something which brings the court into disrespect like insulting a judge or his decision etc)

In September, 2004, Judge A K M Patabendige, in Walasmulla, Sri Lanka (my home country), jailed a man for a year for yawning in court. N V P Ajith, a defendant in a criminal case, stretched out and yawned in a way that so infuriated the judge, the punishment for contempt was immediate

2. Most law students know the quality of Australian decisions. They are very very loong (with over 5 different judgments dragging over 100 pages) and emotional. The judges get caught up in the moment and say the weirdiest stuff:

Sentencing a young woman at the Magistrate’s Court in Port Adelaide, Australia, in 2003, a magistrate Michael Frederick said:

“You’re a druggie and you’ll die in the gutter. That’s your choice… I don’t believe in that social worker crap. You abuse your mother and cause her pain. You can choose to be who you are. You can go to work. Seven million of us do it whilst fourteen million like you sit at home watching Days of Our Lives smoking your crack pipes and using needles and I’m sick of you sucking us dry”.

He then concluded: “It’s your choice to be a junkie and die in the gutter. No one gives a shit, but you’re going to kill that woman who is your mother, damn you to death.”

The funny thing is that after he gave the woman a prison sentence, unaware that that was unlawful in the type of case in question. Later, she appealled which was successful and Chief Justice condenmed the judge’s behavior and he had to make a public apology.

3. While handling some research on appeal cases for murder I came across this case which was quite popular even in the papers.

In 2005, Pavel M., a Romanian prisoner serving 20 years for murder, sued God, founding his claim in contract. He argued that his baptism was an agreement between him and God under which, in exchange for value such as prayer, God would keep him out of trouble.

The amusing thing about this that he had precedent with regards to this matter. There was previous ruling from Italy where Italian atheist Luigi Cascioli was ordered to pay a $1,900 judgment after a court ruled he had filed a fraudulent suit against an Italian priest for saying Jesus Christ existed. Cascioli contended the cleric violated a law that forbids deceiving the public. The atheist said the priest, who had publicly criticized him for casting doubt on the truth of the gospels, had no evidence Jesus ever existed. Specifically, he claimed two Italian laws had been broken: the “abuse of popular belief” – which amounts to intentionally deceiving someone – and “impersonation” – meaning one gains by giving a false name to someone.

However, this guy lost the case because firstly, civil law jurisidctions like Ilaty does have have stare decisis and secondly the prosecutor main defence which was:

“God is not a person in the eyes of the law and does not have a legal address where he could be served with court papers”. So due to technical issues with the requirements under the Rules of Court, God got away from being sued.

4. Finally, my favorite was this case in India where it all came down to definitions. It must be noted that I didn’t come across this while I was doing research rather I was googling ‘law against contraceptives’ and came across this:

In 2007, a court in India was asked to decide whether a vibrating condom is a contraceptive or a sex toy. The condoms contain a battery-operated device, and, for the avoidance of doubt, are marketed as “Crezendo”. Opponents argue it’s a sex toy and thus unlawful in India, whereas the manufacturer says it’s a contraceptive and promotional of public health

Making decisions …..

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For the last three months, I have been trying to decide between doing litigation or corporate work. After my last internship, I was 70% sure litigation was gonna be my thing. Firstly, I have the feeling I get when I am in a court room whether a open court or chambers. Second, the prestige that comes with a good litigator i.e. having S.C at the end of ur name can really raise ur ego. Thirdly, lawyers who are litigator live a more balance lifestyle cos the hours are not as crazy as corporate lawyers. Fourthly, you can help people in trouble (bono work) unlike in corporate work where you make MNCs richer. To sum it up, this career path is rewarding both mentally and monetary wise.

On the other side there is corporate work. Apparently, you can earn your first million by the time ur 35 years old. A five digit salary and six digit quarterly bonus is definitely tempting. Argh…. why do decisions have to be so difficult 🙂

Farewell……

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NUS Commencement finished last week and I had to say ‘farewell’ to my only friend. We have been friends since we were 7 years old. I still can remember the first day I met him in Lower Kinder Garden (LKG) at Belvior when I ate his food and then lied to him saying that the birds ate it 🙂

We have known each other for over 15 years – from primary school to secondary to University…. and when I think about it… it seems that he is the only one  who can handle my annoying personality and say the right things so I dn’t end up in those looong redundant arguments I have with most people. For the first time in my life saying goodbye is gonna be difficult….. having attachments to things sucks…… this is why I dn’t get close to people…. But when reflect on all the great memories we have had together maybe these tears are worth it……

Congradulations Manoj  !!!!

You made it through NUS ALIVE 🙂

You Are Your Choice Of Poison

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This is something I came across while surfing the net instead of working at office 🙂

What you drink says a lot about you..

If Women drink…

1. Beer

Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.

Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

2. Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella

Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.

Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

3. Mixed drinks – no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda

Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants

Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.

4. Water

Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.

Approach: Don’t. (this is true unless your looking for something like my previous posting then she is worth the effort)

5. Wine – (bottled, not 4 litre cask)

Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.

Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

6. Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.

Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.

Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is… and you’re in.

7. Cape Velvet

Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.

Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

8. Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)

Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk…and naked.

Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait…….

If Men Drink…

1. Cider

He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

2. Cheap Domestic Beer

He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.

3. Castle Lager Beer

He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

4. Imported Beer

He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

5. Guinness

The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

6. Water

He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

7. Wine

He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

8. Vodka or Brandy

Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

9. Port

Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

10. Whisky

He doesn’t give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

11. Jack Daniels

Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

12. Rum or Tequila

Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Pause: You get the picture – guys are sooo simple right ????

Finale:

13. Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc

He’s gay (blatantly) – don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change

Problems getting a girlfriend?

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How long has it been since you’ve had a girlfriend? Whatever the case is, it’s much too long. Today, after reading this professional guide, this will change. I haven’t dated like a million women but have seen my share of relationships.

First of all, I will tell you what this guide is not. This guide is not about how to get laid, Casanova; we are talking about a girlfriend that sticks around longer than just one night. This guide is also not meant to teach you how to salvage your already messed up relationship, although some of the lessons taught here may help you out there too.

NOTE: The most important thing is forget about your stupid, absolutely wrong idea that your girlfriend should find out who you are on your first date. It is absolutely moronic to think like that, so NO you are NOT going to show her who you are.

You will show her who she wants to see. Ok? If you disagree then stop reading here and forget about ever having a girlfriend. You will spend the rest of your life raiding dungeons with your guildies. (for all the normal people out there I am referring to WOW – a video game)

Let’s start with you.

Learn about the world you live in and forget about the world your level 70 mage lives in: Your girlfriend will be scared off if you tell her that you stayed up until 5am running that 25 man raid. In fact don’t mention anything about your favorite video game.Learn about the political issues, what’s going on in the world, even the weather, and get some personal opinions about these, pick up a political party (good things about PAP is always safe to talk about), or whatever the political issue is. It is better for you to believe something different than she believes than not to have an opinion or even worse not knowing anything about that issue. Summary: Read stuff besides forums on what builds to get your level 70 WOW character.

Learn to be funny: Start with the jokes on ComedyCentral.com and watch the Comedy Central channel. There are a bazillion websites, movies, etc. for you to pick up new material from. Now this is a difficult part because what you may think is funny, may not be funny to someone else, i.e. your new perspective girlfriend. So tell your friends, family, even random people on the street/mall if you’re brave enough and see if they laugh or sit there with a blank stare.

If most people laugh then you should be okay. Also avoid racy jokes, i.e. blond, black, gross, overly sexual, etc. If you can get away with telling it to your mother or grandmother or some other prude in your family then you should be all right.

Get cleaned up: Now I’m not saying go shave if your beard is a part of you. If your buddies don’t make fun of you because you look like a dill weed with your semi-beard that looks like you are a 13 year old trying to pass for 18 then keep it. What I mean by clean up is wash your clothes and NO your luck will not go away if you wash your gross sports all-wear cap; ditto with your tidy whiteys and socks. Wash it all with detergent and if it’s supposed to be white then add some bleach to it.

Get some cologne, and if you are trying to tell me that you already have some then I will soccer punch you. Don’t wear the cologne because you like how it smells, or how it looks, or you think it has a cool name, or the one that your mother/aunt/grandma/dad/etc gave to you. Get the one that she thinks smells good. A great place to start is Orchard road (there is bunch of departmental stores) they have a huge selection and ask one of the girls, I repeat girls, there to help you pick one out. A couple that you can’t go wrong with is Fierce by Abercrombie and Fitch or Acqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani.

Another tip here is do maybe 2 sprays on your shirt and a half a spray on the front tip of your neck; NEVER spray it under your armpits, sweat and cologne mixed DO NOT smell good. Finally, never substitute cologne for a shower; cologne wears off your stench doesn’t.

Next is your environment.

If you don’t stay in Hall then get a roommate and rent an apartment. Try not to stay with your parents. On one extreme, if you can afford it buy a home and get roommates. Roommates can be a good thing, when you take your girl to your place and you have somewhat normal roommates she will probably feel more comfortable there than if you live alone; this is true until you’re 30 years old or older, by then it is better if you live solo.

Clean up the dishes and dirty clothes that are lying around. Have a big screen TV, or at least a TV bigger than 13 inches and a Playstation/Xbox/Nintendo. Remember you are a normal guy so get rid of that Atari (nerd code for video games), except for you and your nerdy friends, no one thinks that an Atari is cool. Your couches should be decent too, leather is nice but anything that doesn’t make you feel dirty by sitting there will work. Put up posters around the living room of your favorite stuff and please make sure it’s not a poster of the newest version of Redhat Linux; gangster characters, hot chicks (angelina jolie is hot but hanging her all over your flat makes you look desperate) , and favorite movies work well.

Your room needs to be clean too, decorate as you like just don’t go too nuts about posting your next W.O.W. character’s talent builds or the armor/weapon you want to get. Tone it down with the nerdy stuff. Also make sure your bed is at least a twin size, although a king/queen is better. A single will just not do, your idiotic argument that it will help you cuddle is just that, idiotic. Your comforter cover should be something decent too, the one your mom gave you that has the pink flowers on it is a bad deal, burn it.

If you’re into weird crap like hacking computers, slicing your wrists, etc. get rid of any signs of that…by the way if you’re really into slicing your wrists a girlfriend right now is a bad idea, check yourself into a mental hospital first. Finally make sure your place doesn’t smell like dog poo. It’s probably not good if it smells like flowers either, but it’s better that than dog poo. Fabreeze is your friend here; fabreeze the crap out of all your furniture, clothes, roommates, etc.

Your friends/roommates, unfortunately, are something your girlfriend is going to use to learn more about who you are. So tell your friends to stop acting like turds and stop telling her stupid, boring, or scary crap about you. If she finds out that you are being hunted down by the FBI for hacking into their database then you can forget about any chance you might have with her, she’ll bail for the door faster than you can blink. Also make sure your friends notice her, are nice to her, but that’s it; if your friends are likely to stare at her tits all night long then you’re in trouble. It also helps you out if those friends have their own girlfriends.

Now we will cover where to look for her.

Ok, right off the bat, forget about picking up your girlfriend from the bar, strip club, whore house, etc. You will NOT pick up girlfriend material here…no, shut up, I don’t care about your or your friend’s last girlfriend and where you/he found her. A bar only has whore material or girls that are there to get a free drink from you.

Have your roommate’s girlfriend/sister/your friends introduce you to a girl. Let these people know that you are on the prowl. This is probably the easiest way to get a girlfriend as you have someone vouching for you, “…I know this guy, he’s pretty cool, you should meet him…” type of thing gives you an advantage because she trusts the person vouching for you so that automatically translates to her having a small trust in you.

Join a church or other religious circles, more specifically a religious youth group, small group etc. HOWEVER join it because you are sincerely interested in the activities done by these groups. This one will take time before you find the right group/girl, and even more time before you can start making a move on your new found perspective girlfriend. If you make a move too early here, she will think that you joined the group for the wrong reasons. If you join a group that you hate she will notice that you are not involved in any discussions and will see you for the weasel that you are.

As weird and boring as it can be, one of the best places to meet girlfriend material is at operas or Shakespearian type plays. Just make sure that you arrive early so you can “mingle” before the play. This works really well if you can get another guy AND girl to go with you.

Sports activities such as soccer, basketball, cricket (applicable for Sri lankans, Indians and pakis) and other games are another good place although less likely that you will have time to build any kind of relationship here as a decent girl may need two or three exposures to you before phone numbers can be exchanged; although if she comes to most of a particular team’s games and usually sits in the same area than you have a chance.

Go to all BBQ’s, parties and weddings. These are great places to meet decent chicks. Even if this is a family function, it is common for your family members to bring a friend to such an event and as long as you and this cousin or whatever are on good terms you have an easy in with this friend.

More recently meeting people online is the new thing to do. I would recommend this as a last resort because as there are stories of happy endings with these things, it is more common that you will be 1) be forced to deal with insane amounts of spam and 2) that your “perfect match” turns out to be some kind of a psycho/stalker/etc.

Now we will cover making contact with your potential girl.

The first rule of thumb when trying to grab a girl is that you can NOT come across as easy. Where ever this place is, it is crucial that she thinks that she has to put some effort into “getting you”; that you are a wild Bronx and she has to break you in order for her to make you into a proper man. If you don’t she has zero interest in you/bored.

That means that you have to be constantly talking to other girls, yes show her attention, but only a little bit more than the other girls at this place. Make the other girls laugh, but also make her laugh. Finish her off about how dang cute her hair looks. That’s it. One compliment, hair is usually a good one. If hair is an obvious “no go” (dreadlocks, bald, etc) then compliment her perfume; but again keep to one compliment. Smile to her across the room, but don’t stare. If she glances in your direction, look at her, smile and go back to your conversation. If things are successful then phone numbers are exchanged the first time you see her. Be bold about asking her for her phone number if you received any signs that she’s interested in you (if she glances at you from across the room and smiles…that’s a GREAT sign). If she didn’t respond the first time you see her, don’t give up yet. Next time you see her, follow the same procedure, have new jokes, be funny/interesting/etc. It is quite common that your cousin or whoever calls you and tells you that this girl wants you to have her number or she might call you personally.

Finally we will cover your first date.

Once phone numbers have been exchanged, the next day YOU call her ONE time. Let me repeat that for you. YOU CALL HER ONLY ONE TIME. Her machine did record the message, you did not forget to say anything, and she does have caller ID. If she doesn’t call you back that day wait 2 more days before calling back ONE MORE TIME. If no response again then DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN!!! Wait to meet her in person again. Message should be sweet and to the point “…hey I was thinking dinner and a movie Friday or Saturday, would love for you to be my date, let me know if you can fit me into your schedule, my number is xxx-xxxx…” that’s all you need to say.

You pay for EVERYTHING and tip well (even though we dn’t need to do so here…. you look compassionate and sweet when you do).

Don’t open the door to your car for her unless you don’t have automatic locks. You DO open the door for her to every building such as theater, restaurant, and if you’re lucky your pad.

Make sure that you have reservations for the restaurant, even if you’re taking her to some cheap place like Olive Garden, an hour wait is a HUGE mood kill. If she drinks you should drink too, if you’re not sure ask her. Just don’t get drunk; one glass of wine, one beer, OR one mixed drink.

Remember you’re driving, she should feel safe with you. If you are an alcoholic and you manage to get drunk on your first date, first of all you are a total moron and you can forget about a second date, but second you might be able to salvage it if you at least pay for a taxi home.

That’s it. From now on you’re on your own. If you didn’t get laid your first night then that’s even better, remember you’re here for the long haul and there will be plenty of opportunities to discover yourselves later. I’ll leave you with one last tip.

1. Confidence is the single most determining factor in your success with relationships. If you don’t have a lot of it there are a few things you can do. Right away hit the gym, and go EVERY DAY. Forget about this 3 times a week crap. Monday through Friday you’re in the gym for at least one hour. Pick one muscle group for each day.

2. Next thing, enroll in a debate class at your high school or college. The more of a conversationalist you are, the better at arguing or being a smart ass you are, the more confident you will be. Play a sport/join a team; and no bowling and chess are not considered sports.

3.Finally keep trying until you succeed, just because the first girl turned out to be a disaster keep trying…even if this is your tenth or hundredth time, still keep trying. The more you do it the better you become at it. Good luck in your endeavors…and next time I see you, I hope that there will be some cutie hanging on to your arm.

My Sweetheart DLA

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Librarian: Ushan, you have a gf right ?

Me: No

Librarian: You have had a gf right ?

Pause: Only two questions and I am feeling so awkward about where this conversation is going.

Me: Yes a few (‘a few’ – why on earth did I say that… i could have just answered ‘yes’)

Librarian: Ok… Cos you have to treat this machine like you would treat your gf(s)

Pause: Hmmm…. clearly, the fact that I am single at the moment would mean that i have not been treating my exs very well… but apparently this was obviously to the librarian.

So I would like to introduce my new gf…. Her name is Digital Librarian Assistant ( I call her ‘DLA’ for short)

Well, after a few days i released why the librarian said what she said. DLA costs S$20,000 <takes a deep breath> that’s how much I would have to pay if I break it. Therefore, ‘breaking‘ up with DLA is not an option for me at the moment (yeah, the last line is a lame joke but its quite funny right???)

The Virgin Cook: The Guys’ Cooking Roaster

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The guys at RVR have been cooking dinner everyday for sometime now…. Normally, the chefs (a few self-appointed individuals) would cook everyday and I would go down just to eat when dinner is ready. In return, I would pool cash in for the groceries and I NEVER had a cooking session where I had to cook. This was a brilliant and flawless scheme (at least in my eyes)

Then one fine day – one of the guys proposed that everyone should get an ‘opportunity’ to cook. Obviously, I protested with all my heart bringing both legal and moral arguments why this proposal was against not only private interest (i.e. mine) but also public interest. Sadly, after about 2 minutes we voted and I had to give into the majority (*curses* democracy)

This Monday was my day to cook… Now, I do consider myself a very good chef. I have made lots of dishes ranging from maggi to eggs to sausages… ok ok …. honestly, I had no freaking idea on how to cook. Occasionally, I would cook maggi when I was really starving and there was no other option (starvation or maggi). Hence, I knew that cooking for 11 guys would be wholly a different ball game.

Unfortunately, my self-confidence got the better of me and this is how the night unravelled.

Menu:

1. Chicken a.k.a Malaysian samsal chicken

2. Ushan’s feel fresh dal curry

3. French omellette

Ingredients:

a) Half a frozen chicken

b) Dal

c) 12 eggs

d) 5 big onions ( run out of big onions and used 7 small onions instead)

e) carrots ( I have no idea why i added this as one of the ingredients

f) Garlic and ginger – my hand still smells of garlic :-

g) Random spices I found in the kitchen

My Preparation:

Filled a bowl with warm water and added the chicken. Then, I put the chicken in the microwave oven and cooked it for 20 mints. After that tried to cut the chicken and all the other ingredients into small pieces. Actually, I was suppose to cut it into small pieces but ended up doing this (Mistake 1):

I warmed up the pan with some oil and then added the chicken and the carrots (Mistake 2). Then, added WATER…. yes water …. for some freaking reason added water (Mistake 3 – fundamental mistake)…. shit…. After that, without draining the water i let the chicken cook for 20-30 mints in water (Mistake 4 – Well everything I did after this was a ‘mistake’ so I am gonna stop keeping count). Took me about 15 mints to release that this didn’t look anything like curry chicken. Firstly, it looked more like raw chicken with carrots. Secondly, the picture on the recipe i downloaded from the web looked nothing like this. Don’t believe me ??? Look at the pic below:

Ok…. the next few minutes are a bit blurry. <panicked> The guys are gonna come to eat in 30 minutes….. I started adding all the ingredients including random spices… Unfortunately, the dish changed only a shade of color due to all the red chillis and ‘yellow’ powder I added.

Then, he came…. Some call him suranga aiyya others (i.e. just me) call him ‘the savior’). He had borrowed our frying pan a few days along and came to return it. In less than 10 minutes, he turned it into this:

To this day, I have no idea what he did…. it wasn’t curry chicken but it looked eatable and that was all cared about then. Wooooots, now all I had to do was to make the dal and the omelette.

It looks good right ???????????

Unfortunately, it didn’t taste as good as it looked. The dal tasted like ‘soil’, which one of the guys casually stated while he was eating it. The omelette tasted a distinct taste of ‘egg shells’, which i hadn’t had dropped – while running against the clock – while preparing it.

This was my first and worst cooking experience ever. Finally, I had found something I suck at… really suck at….. But then I know I am gonna get better…. At least, I must for next monday I know only two things are possible (a) the guys really enjoy the meal I prepared and gonna remember it for a really looong time or (b) all of them are gonna get food poison and hate me a really looong time. ‘Surprisingly’, given to prior experience in cooking my money is on the second scenario. But then again, I am hoping for a miracle to prove me wrong…. Not so much for me but everyone else’s sake.