Working in this profession enlightens you more than you really need to be. It’s true how they say ignorance is bliss. Sometimes it’s important that you don’t know everything. I wish that humans could filter out what we to want to know from what we find out but really just wish wasn’t true. If we could just press ctrl+delete (permanent delete function in comps) and it’s gone and you never knew that it existed. Blissfully ignorant and happy…. Why so concerned…. Life is just as you picture it…..
The last few weeks I have had the privilege of doing a family law attachment under one of the best (if not the best) family lawyer in Singapore. It gave me an insight or a better understanding on how messed up people can be even towards someone they vowed to spent the rest of their lives with. An unforgettable experience I had was a few days ago when during the hearing the husband under oath said that he was actually in love with someone else even before this couple got married (this couple dated fro 5 years) and he still hadfeeling for this third party (who btw was a total bitch). Upon hearing this, the wife just got up from her seat and said (this precisely what she said) “ But you promised… till death do us part” which was instantly followed by her crashing to the floor weeping like her heart was gonna stop. The husband and his mistress both stared at her unemotional and he just continued with his story. This was merely one out of 20 plus cases I got to handle while I was there. Most of these cases having the same plot but of course less melodramatic. The funny sad thing is that these divorce couples range from couples who have dated for a few weeks to a few months to even over 10 years (And I handled an arrange marriage divorce proceeding as well so don’t have your hopes up these kinds of marriages either). So, all this did was make me think about how much we really know people even the ones that are really close to us like our parents, best friends, our wives/husbands etc.
With regards to parents, best friends or even close relatives finding out the truth can be painful but for some weird reason (which I shall figure out soon) is no where closer to finding out hidden secrets about your partner. Why ?…. Maybe because end of the day, people really need just one other person to survive and be happy. If not why did God create only Adam and Eve and not Adam, Eve, their parents and a few close friends and relatives!
After these three weeks I have made these observations about the couples that end up in divorce.
Firstly, we are have the wrong perception that we need all these accessories such as parents, relatives, close friends etc to survive. Our whole live we try to make new friends and please the other ones we have. Finding a ‘life long’ partner (as people call it now a gf or bf) is an accessory acitivty or even a past time we do when we find some time off our busy schedules. Note: busy schedules involves: 9am-6pm work day (9-11pm for lawyers), having a few drinks with your friends, visiting you parents on the weekends and spending some alone time. After deducting all this time, we are only left a few hours a week to meet someone who hope to spend the rest of your life with !!!
The people who actually meet that perfect person are like the people who strike the lottery i.e. one person does it and he/she’s just lucky. For all the other ordinary people like you and me we are just buying a ticket (note: translates into – date a girl or guy) and hope that ticket wins. If it does you can always try again and again and again till either your broke or no one else is buying tickets.
Honestly, it saddens to compare the inviolable institution of marriage to a sadist gambling game such as a lottery but that what it has become. I don’t know much about wedding vows but from watching so much TV show I know that the priest during the ceremony does ask: Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep [him/her] For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to [him/her] so long as you both shall live?”
Which is answered by “I do”. After these three weeks I believe that most couple don’t really understand the gravity of these two words or three charcaters. If they ever did then how on earth can they turn around and file for a divorce a month or a week down the line?……. Yeah yeah…. Most people tell me its cos we just don’t go together or we just drew apart. Well if they had taken some off their freaking busy schedules to spent a little more time trying to find someone who they know they can spend the rest of their live with maybe they won’t be in this mess in the first palce. Of course, someone would say no matter how much time we spend together you can’t know someone 100% right nor be like him 100% right ? True enough but what’s important is that you know enough about your partner that even when unexpected surprises come up getting a divorce is not the first option. End of the day, honestly, if your not ready to stand in front of the whole world, look into her eyes and say “I do” knowing that nothing can ever feel this right then don’t go down that road. Trust me it NEVER ends well….. For me, I have been unfortunate to have fallen in love only once. Back then only a few months down I knew that she was the only one I would say “I do” to and even after so many year there is still a part of me that knows that she would be the only one I could ever say “I Do” to.