The Virgin Cook: The Guys’ Cooking Roaster


The guys at RVR have been cooking dinner everyday for sometime now…. Normally, the chefs (a few self-appointed individuals) would cook everyday and I would go down just to eat when dinner is ready. In return, I would pool cash in for the groceries and I NEVER had a cooking session where I had to cook. This was a brilliant and flawless scheme (at least in my eyes)

Then one fine day – one of the guys proposed that everyone should get an ‘opportunity’ to cook. Obviously, I protested with all my heart bringing both legal and moral arguments why this proposal was against not only private interest (i.e. mine) but also public interest. Sadly, after about 2 minutes we voted and I had to give into the majority (*curses* democracy)

This Monday was my day to cook… Now, I do consider myself a very good chef. I have made lots of dishes ranging from maggi to eggs to sausages… ok ok …. honestly, I had no freaking idea on how to cook. Occasionally, I would cook maggi when I was really starving and there was no other option (starvation or maggi). Hence, I knew that cooking for 11 guys would be wholly a different ball game.

Unfortunately, my self-confidence got the better of me and this is how the night unravelled.


1. Chicken a.k.a Malaysian samsal chicken

2. Ushan’s feel fresh dal curry

3. French omellette


a) Half a frozen chicken

b) Dal

c) 12 eggs

d) 5 big onions ( run out of big onions and used 7 small onions instead)

e) carrots ( I have no idea why i added this as one of the ingredients

f) Garlic and ginger – my hand still smells of garlic :-

g) Random spices I found in the kitchen

My Preparation:

Filled a bowl with warm water and added the chicken. Then, I put the chicken in the microwave oven and cooked it for 20 mints. After that tried to cut the chicken and all the other ingredients into small pieces. Actually, I was suppose to cut it into small pieces but ended up doing this (Mistake 1):

I warmed up the pan with some oil and then added the chicken and the carrots (Mistake 2). Then, added WATER…. yes water …. for some freaking reason added water (Mistake 3 – fundamental mistake)…. shit…. After that, without draining the water i let the chicken cook for 20-30 mints in water (Mistake 4 – Well everything I did after this was a ‘mistake’ so I am gonna stop keeping count). Took me about 15 mints to release that this didn’t look anything like curry chicken. Firstly, it looked more like raw chicken with carrots. Secondly, the picture on the recipe i downloaded from the web looked nothing like this. Don’t believe me ??? Look at the pic below:

Ok…. the next few minutes are a bit blurry. <panicked> The guys are gonna come to eat in 30 minutes….. I started adding all the ingredients including random spices… Unfortunately, the dish changed only a shade of color due to all the red chillis and ‘yellow’ powder I added.

Then, he came…. Some call him suranga aiyya others (i.e. just me) call him ‘the savior’). He had borrowed our frying pan a few days along and came to return it. In less than 10 minutes, he turned it into this:

To this day, I have no idea what he did…. it wasn’t curry chicken but it looked eatable and that was all cared about then. Wooooots, now all I had to do was to make the dal and the omelette.

It looks good right ???????????

Unfortunately, it didn’t taste as good as it looked. The dal tasted like ‘soil’, which one of the guys casually stated while he was eating it. The omelette tasted a distinct taste of ‘egg shells’, which i hadn’t had dropped – while running against the clock – while preparing it.

This was my first and worst cooking experience ever. Finally, I had found something I suck at… really suck at….. But then I know I am gonna get better…. At least, I must for next monday I know only two things are possible (a) the guys really enjoy the meal I prepared and gonna remember it for a really looong time or (b) all of them are gonna get food poison and hate me a really looong time. ‘Surprisingly’, given to prior experience in cooking my money is on the second scenario. But then again, I am hoping for a miracle to prove me wrong…. Not so much for me but everyone else’s sake.

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