Do you know what arses are? Arses are the human races’ favourite thing. We like them on each other. We like them on magazine covers. We even like them on babies. When we’re alone we like to scratch them. When there’s a fire, we like to warm them and who among us hasn’t, in a lonely moment, reached back for a discreet fondle? We love our arses.
Even god knew its importance….When God gave us our arses he had to stick them around the back just so that we wouldn’t sit and stare at them all day. ‘Cos when God made the arse he didn’t say, ‘hey it’s not your basic hinge, lets knock off early.’
He said, ‘behold ye angels I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, man and woman shall grab hold of these and shout my name.
Thinking about it, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at arses.
When man invented fire, he didn’t say, “Hey, let’s cook.” He said, “Great, now we can see naked arses in the dark.” As soon as Caxton (another man) invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of, hey, naked arses! When Larry G. Roberts (a man again) created the internet…. First thing we did was to turn it into an enormous international database of naked arses.