Monthly Archives: January 2009

You will NEVER know

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How hard I have tried you will never know. I promised myself not to blog about this. Even to blog about it is to accept the unacceptable truth that certain feelings would never change. But NEVER is something I can no longer hold on to. For so many years, I have cling onto something that has now scarred me forever. Something I know time cannot heal. For the preachers who say ‘time heals everything’. I say ‘bullshit’…. Can we ever forget the past, memories that have defined and molded you into the person you are today. To forget the past is to live in denial… denial which someday would catch up to you and then what ???

I have tried…. so many things…. so many ways…. things people couldn’t imagine… things people would condemn…. Things that have lead to only one thing…. the undeniable truth that every night I am still reminded of those vivid memories I have worked so hard to forget. To do what I did is desperation, options have rapidly closed around me to the point where only pure stupidity seems to provide a solution.

So this is a simple plea from a stupid guy….. I do not expect you to understand my decision. Logically, I know I am wrong and what I am doing is absolutely stupid and meaningless. Under this ‘arrogant and condiscending’ ego is a guy who fights every second to prevent those memories from flooding my mind. A battle that no one can ever understand or comprehend. A battle I have lost so many times that sometimes I wonder maybe i am destined to be defeated…. Arghhhhh…. for what I done now is only my sad and desperate attempt to prevent an inevitability…. So I do beg from you… please don’t sit in that comfortable high chair and judge my actions when no one (not even me) is capable of comprehending this agony and anguish……

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Understanding Relationship Drama

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The article is courtesy of Gary Van Warmerdam available at http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/relationship_matrix.htm

active link: http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/relationship_matrix.htm

Article Summary for the lazy few who don’t wanna go through the whole article:

Relationships consists of six images. Three on each side.

1. Hidden Image

2. Projected Perfect Image

3. Fraux (Created) Image of the other party in the relationship.

The Hidden Image is our side which we do not want others to see. Its like all the bad things about ourselves do not reveal to the world. Projected Perfect Image is what any person ‘should be’ or ‘achieve’. This image is created by our observations of others. It is usually influenced based on social norms and our environment. Fraux (created) Image is our perception of the other person in the relationship, partner, friend or colleague. We create an image of the other person the way we want to see that person, which may be (usually is) different from who he/she really is.

The complication arises when two people interact  with each other. One party projecting their ‘projected perfect image’ while the other party perceiving it as the fraux image. This mismatch resulting in an internal direct conflict. Furthermore, the internal conflict between ‘projected perfect image’ and ‘hidden image’ resulting is furthering of this external conflict.

The solution this article provides is that our understanding that — these images are all made up! They are fictional. We are reacting to the movie in our imagination. The only power behind these images and their stories is the belief we give them. It is only because we believe these stories and images that we react emotionally. When we don’t believe in these False Images, we eliminate the emotional reactions. End of the day it boils down to communication. Only through clear communication can one see through all these frictional images and build a long lasting relationship.

End with a quote from one the speeches available at the website:

We are not any imagine of success or we  are not the imagine of failure we have in our mind…. those imagines in our mind that just that… they are conceptual ideas of what we are… and we are not conceptual ideas.. we have the power the create them and we have the power to believe in them… but we are not the ideas of ourselves that we create

The full article was removed from my blog in respect to the author’s copyrights. However, I would encourage everyone to click on the link above and have a look at the full article and listen to the audio clips.

Wake up and feel the difference

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Arrogant and condescending

Yeah, that’s what a majority of individuals would describe me as. I am absolutely fine with that description. Honestly, I would consider myself arrogant and condescending.

I suppose my purpose for writing this post is this: I acknowledge to the world that I am condescending and arrogant. But I don’t care and for the people who know me please dn’t tell me this as a negative characteristic I need to change.

I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge that I assume everyone shares, and so I often spill the irrelevant yet unique details of things that I have learned to anyone who will listen and find that no one finds it as fascinating as I do. I have been known to rant on many-a-subject that I have recently been devouring information on. And I am used to the typical, “Yeah, I don’t care” or “Really, I didn’t see it that way” response, and it is a response I can respect. But I have decided I am not apologizing for my behavior, because I’ll bet someone may get as excited as me about it, and it will improve their life and general knowledge just a little bit.

While I encourage curiosity, I hold no grudge against those who would rather not expand their horizons. I may feel a little sad at their loss, and this may come off as pity or condescension, but so be it.

Mostly, though, when it comes to knowledge, I encourage everyone to not be afraid of the response “I don’t know,” to any question posed. I have said it many times all over this place, and have asked for information on things that I do not know. While I may regurgitate information, I also ingest it. I actively seek it out. I become excited when I find a topic I have not explored, especially in the ‘grey areas’, where there tend to be very polarized opinions that give me very interesting insights to these unsettled topics.

All in all– I am young. I am naive. I am arrogant, and I am stupid. Stupid, because I still think that I am invincible. That I can go out and conquer the world with what I know. That I can change it. That everyone is worth meeting, and that everyone has a new perspective to share.

One day, when I’m older, I may grow bitter. But today I am content to remain arrogant and stupid. Because I am still better and smarter than you.

Birthday Revelations

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Give a dog a bad name and hang him

A philosophy that makes life easier to understand. When we have a few bad experiences after some time we stereotype those experiences resulting in certain standard results and hence avoiding such experience.For me, getting close to people was such a sterotyped experience only resulting in one thing.

On 6th January 2009, I discovered how wrong I have been about this aspect of life. Pre-6/1/09, one of my core beliefs was that it is never wise tolet people get close to me as it only leads to more bad than good. A stereotypical conclusion, I had drawn from all the bad experiences. When all seemed lost, 6/1/09 changed everything. I experienced something I have NEVER felt before. the sincerity and warmth of those individuals gave me a glimpse of what unconditional love maybe like.

So pro-6/1/09, I am a changed person….. I have faith that there are people worth having in my life….. individuals worth sharing every thought, word and deed. I have been misfortunate so far but as I was slipping on a cold martini watching the sunset at Sentosa, I decided that post-6/1/09 was gonna be a new chapter in my life and now I know there are certain individuals I would want to be there with me……

Meet the Hollywood Lawyer

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We have been talked about since the beginning of mankind. Some say we were created in the image of the serpent that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit; where theologists conceive the serpent as controlled by Satan or even Satan himself (Revelation 12:9 and 20:2). Hence, we have ever since been stamped as “Devil’s Advocate”. Hollywood does not do justice to rebut this myth; on faith and belief alone they side with the masses pursuing those elusive ratings that roll in the 6 digit pay cheques.

Today, I speak of my Western counterparts; a system based on contingency fee agreements (US and Canada)/ No Win No Fee (Commonwealth) and a jury system.

I wanted to make this posting informative yet not pall on about the technical aspects of the legal profession. For me, this is a profession of calling; we opt for it without comprehension of the responsibility it carries. And, we downgrade it as merely a service provided for a fee; impersonal and without real self-sacrifice. Rationalizing to ourselves that its not medicine; we are not dealing with people’s life; for dispute resolution is all but money and money means nothing for it is replaceable. Into this empty cauldron, we add the dangerous concept of contingency fee arrangement and a jury system in a futile attempt to give a purpose to an already misconceived cause.

To discharge one’s duty to the best of one’s ability; there requires two indispensable qualities; moral principles or/and no conflict of interest. So, either you have strong moral principles that lust for money and fame does not sway you or (if you are ordinary like me) try not to encounter conflict of interest scenarios. What contingency fee agreements do is strike at the heart of the ordinary man’s weakness. We are given more money when we win; win we must; no matter what the costs to the client or the opposing party or the legal precedence we set. Again, it must be pointed out for ordinary layman that winning for a client may not be necessary good; not all costs for legal action would be awarded in damages and qualitative attention from press coverage and media frenzy would leave a scaring effect. Yet, who cares ? I win I get money and even prolonging legal action at the expense of both parties may up my service fee. It becomes all about you. Temptation for the feeble minded is like offering stale food to a starving child.

Jury system itself has been abolished in many jurisdictions and reasons given are self-evident yet America still clings to its third amendment and hope/trusts that ordinary untrained layman with pre-existing polarized opinions to decide on civil liberties of other people! In their hands, a lawyers’ pay cheque is placed and price tag for freedom is merely convincing unconnected and distant jurors how a person’s fate should be decided. Hence, telling them what they want to hear becomes more important than what is legally true. Legal precedence and public policy are consumed by factual context leaving more uncertainty for humans to govern their actions and end of the day just more business for lawyers.

With no higher purpose demanded by a broken system; contingency fee arrangements combined with the jury system has created a creature worthy of the label engraved: “Devil’s Advocate”.

Happy Birthday

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Thank you for all the wishes…. Honestly, I didn’t know that so many people actually cared about me that much. The surprise party was unexpected since I have NEVER had one in NUS or for that matter in my life. Maybe… Maybe its time that I did care about other people……