With less than an hour for my exams, I find myself still blogging away with no care in the world.
Expectations: We create this artificial set of presumptions. Wants and Needs that we expect/desire/assume must be provided from others. Of course, this set changes depending on the social setting. Your expectations of your partner varies substantially from that of your work colleague. Furthermore, these expectations are rarely constant even if its in relevance to just one social relationship. As we mature and experience life, these expectations change – heightening ones expectations or discovering the delusions of one’s expectations.
Why does our expectations seldom align with reality ? Maybe, these expectations are mere imaginary constructs of the human mind. Created and strengthened to fabricate an artificial perfect world where everyone is content with no real misalignment of needs and wants – a dream world where as Humans we prefer happiness over truth & logic.
Irrespective of why we do it, we are all victims to this misbelief. For over 23 years, I too fell trapped, expecting so much from others while really never ready to give back as much – Selfishness and Greed have been most unwelcomed companions. But, the last few months here have been an eye-opener for me in more than one way. One area has been in my ideology of expectations.
To sacrifice and compromise – there lies the secret to pragmatic expectations. To give 100% and get nothing back (a quality only inherent in our parents). Sadly, a lesson we learn only when we ourselves have children. But, to understand and appreciate the problem with expectations is always the first step to solving it.
Here are some tips courtesy of me: of course, I do not have any professional qualifications so this is merely my personal opinion:
1. Do not judge an author by one book – to presume is to fail. Humans like to overgeneralize from their previous similar experiences. Its in order to simplify future encounters – familiarity over the unknown. Take every encounter as a new encounter – definitely its gonna be mirky waters ahead of you but it saves alot more disappointment
2. Tip of the Iceberg – Everyone/Everything is more than they seem. Humans are the most complexed organisms in existence. If you think you really know someone due to whatever reasons (friends for 10 years, life partners, siblings) – there is a high likelihood you are going to be proven wrong. Of course, be optimistic but remember that they too have their own life and interests and it may not always align with yours
3. Communication – pivotal to any relationship. Talk and be enlightened – to set your own standards would be futile without understanding what the standards out there are in comparison to ours.
4. Trust – This ties in with communication. Any relationship is built on trust – However, to be complacent and play the trust card as a rationalizing factor in decision making would be stepping into treacherous water. Trust is a mutual aspect and rarely do both parties have the same level of trust. Our insecurities define our ability to trust another (Insecurities are personality traits and differ from individual to individual). If you do not where the other party stand on this aspect of trust you might be just setting up yourself for a bad fall. Most hearts are broken because one party was expecting too much (presuming) and the other party just wasn’t on the same page.