Monthly Archives: August 2009

ReWrite THOSE 5 Years

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Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans

When it comes down to it, we spend our lives planning. Whether we do this consciously or unconsciously, it doesn’t matter. The moment we set the alarm at 8.30am to only wake up at 8.31am just to follow the usual routine plan…. what are we really doing ? Feeding to our species constant obsession of “order”. A routine is merely our futile attempt to add clarity to our actions and strive for meaning and purpose in our lives. Of course, I too have blindfully strolled into this ditch.

So, yesterday trying to fall asleep my mind pondered on what my  BATNA would have been (i.e. what I would have done differently)

1. Floating Swap

Lawfirm “<My Name>, how come you don’t have any extra-co-curricular activities?

Me: “My second degree is my extra co-curricular activity”

As nerdy as that sound, its true. I have sacrificed so much to just afloat in my programme.

I would go back to Year 1, decide that Law is my cup of tea and request for a transfer from business. Thus, providing more time for “everything else”.

2. More unknown terrain

I was born to play safe. I never tried things that I “could” have been good at. I gave up my running, cricket, chess, drawing etc only pursue what society thought was a good option. Maybe, being average at everything provides a rounded life experience than just being the best at one thing…

3. Burn the Devil himself

8 years – it was like a really bad relationship that you just cant walk away for reasons even my innermost reasoning cannot justify. My DOTA obsession has been nothing but short of drug-addict’s everyday survival to stay clean. I would have gone to the Apple store in 20th December 2005 and purchased a wireless mouse rather than the Warcraft Treasure Chest.

4. Actually tried

Its not to come out all cocky but if I had given at least a minimum effort when it came to woeing the opposite gender, I would have gone through as many “relationships” as the modules I have read so far.

I can still recall, the endless occasion I would not even attempt eye contact (much less pursue any other body language signals) because my mind was busy processing the conceptual difference between positivism and legal Realism.

5. Personal Health

Spending 30 minutes on 3 meals a day was luxury and not a necessity. Working out or just a mere run always seemed illusive. I gave 100% and never thought twice of the sacrifices I have to make to get things done right. I would make a conscious effort to eat at least 3 times a day and work out twice a week even if it meant not being able to read an extra textbook.

If only all decisions can be made in retrospect – wouldn’t life just be that much easier ūüôā

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Better than THIS

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To appreciate that people are trying their best is merely comforting one’s own perception of our own accomplishments. E.g. “I am doing life sciences because I tried my best and could not get into medicine”. For those, people I tell you – well thats because you didn’t try hard enough, you were not strong/ persistent enough to overcome all the obstacles life threw at you to grab hold of what you really wanted in life.

C’mon by now we all must realize that life is not fair. We are all but born equal. Some are born to great parents while others are born with exceptional intellect whilst some are given the best of both worlds. Everyday, we meet someone who is richer, smarter or more successful than we are.

Maybe, our abilities are beyond our control but what to do with them now thats where real potential lies. The choices we make define us and shape us into individuals that even the most unsurpassable obstacles seem manageable.

Is Water Really Racists ?

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Truth will rise above falsehood as oil above water

Sitting in sixth grade during the ever so boring science class trying desperately to grasp the intricate and eluding terminology of an area of study that I never found any fanaticism – my mind wandered;

Snapping up haphazard words; Gerinoil(oil), H2O (water), hydrogen bonds…. I did what I do best – relate everything around me to social behavior.

After, the 1960s racial riots, Singapore Government did their best to prevent from another similar situation arise. Without heading down the melting pot concept like in the United States, it decided on a different approach. Of course, I am not intending to blog about the actual policy itself but rather on how the government over the last 44 years have relentless tried to “mix oil with water”.

Chinese are a very interesting race. Not being a chinese myself, I think I am at fault to begin to generalize on their behavioral characteristics. But, as the famous HLA Hart once said that the best way to understand a social group is to from a third persons’ perspective. So, having lived among them for a considerable time, dated one, worked with them etc, I believe that I proficient enough to infer some conclusions

One of the closest knit races I am aware, they are one of most difficult to get to know on a personal level. Partly due to our lack of understanding of their long rich traditions and partly due to their personality traits. So, an attempt to just rigorously pour oil (non-chinese) into container of water (chinese) is just futile. Merely, an attempt done without the comprehension of  their chemical compositions.

Note: Chinese referred to as Water (H20) and Non-Chinese referred to as Oil.

Honestly, I believe that this is a race that can literally never mix. Along with my extensive travel experience I have seen this race reside and thrive¬†in the most harsh terrains. Whether you see them in London, Hong Kong, Oslo, New York or ‘accidentally’ ran into them in Tampere, Bucharest, Belaya Kalitva, you would see them in tight-knit groups. And rarely does the fact that they are first/second generation nationals or just merely immigrants change their social network. So, as strongly as Hydrogen sticks to Oxygen to make water so does this race.

So what happens when we try to mix something else into this. Initially, there is an observable mingle but as time goes on the RCOO-CH2CH(-OOCR’)CH2-OOCR” compound is pushed away from the H20 part as the former compound surfaces providing an illusionary perspective for an on-looker of a plausible mix. Only by close scrutiny can one really see what is at work and follow the real social networks.

So, please Oil don’t bawl and vexed about this. This is the nature of water, an inherent quality that even water sometimes can’t explain why. So, you really wanna call this racism its more subliminal rather than willful.

The Perfect Toilet Experience

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Note: The following jokes have been initially drafted by Richard (UK based Comedian). The Jokes have been modified and redrafted to suit the writers specific objectives.

Classifications:

  • The Perfect Dump
    • Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it’s rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that’s not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
  • The Mona Lisa Dump –
    • This is the masterpiece of dumps. It’s as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that’s going a bit too far

Emergency Cases

  • The Empty Roll Dump
    • You’re done…you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains…no, someone would say “Where are the curtains?” Then what would you say? The rug?…too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every “empty roll dumper” must face…Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.
  • The Security Dump
    • You have enough on your mind when you’re in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can’t reach to do this…hum loudly

No one likes BUT you

  • The Splash Back Dump
    • You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you’re wet and embarrassed. Tip Blot instead of wiping.
  • The Cling-On Dump
    • For the most part you’ve completed your dump, but there’s one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You’re getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors.
  • The Childbirth Dump
    • This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn’t going to get any better. You wonder if you’ll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming “Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf”. You realize you’ll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it

God’s Little Creation

  • The Proctologist Dump
    • In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn’t create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That’s right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You’ve only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you’re a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??

When EVERYTHING goes NO NO

  • The Sound Effect Dump
    • You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects 1. Flush the toilet 2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem 3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor
  • The Graffiti Dump
    • You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there…love it or leave it. Its your choice.
  • The Whole Roll Dump
    • No matter how much you wipe, it doesn’t seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste