Relationship Commitment


The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.”

Photo courtesy of DRG Photography

To define love would only result in a giant nebulous glow; largely confusing & obscure. Today “love” is not really gonna be my topic of discussion but rather on relationship commitment.

Many have argued that a relationship has three main pillars; love, relationship commitment & self-esteem. Essentially, this implies the potential importance of strong commitment (relationship commitment would be referred to as just commitment) in order for a relationship to be successful.

But how do we judge the right level of commitment ?

Only just today, the conversation gave up with S. Surprisingly, it ended with that dreaded sentence most guys never look forward to “WHERE IS THIS RELATIONSHIP GOING?”. In other words (guy words); “how committed are YOU to this relationship”.

100% = Long term relationship ?

50% = Still getting to know the REAL YOU ?

Less 50% = Just waiting for someone better to come along ?

Is this just a simple mathematic formula ? Or can commitment be a subjective word in itself (i.e. dependent on each person).

I am not a philosopher (even though I believe I do have a profound knowledge of how this universe works) nor a Linguist so this just going to be my personal opinion.

Commitment can only be judged relative to several other unobserved factors. I say “unobserved” because most of the time commitment is viewed or/and judged by your partner. Unobserved factors are other things going in your life which for you are important, pertinent or even pivotal but many/most times your partner is unable to see it that way. Of course, its not the fault of your partner; cos remember the saying “one man’s food is another man’s poison” ; so priorities and perspectives differ and honestly its no one’s fault.

Note: this is why most partners/couples tend have quite similar tastes which cuts down on the unobservables and aligns interests better.

Back coming back to what I was getting at; when I commit to say my relationship, I can only do so up to and inso far as other factors (unobserved) let me. So, lectures, honors thesis, project work, dota, watching “sopranos”  etc all affect the level of commitment.

These are all specifics; the flaw in this argument lies when other factors are identified as generic in nature; career success, academic brilliance; religious pursuit. If anyone argues on this line its merely an excuse to hide behind one’s own lack of commitment.

Remember,end of the day we can only put is “X” amount of effort and if we do not know how much we should put for what then we are only gonna end up putting too much effort into one at the expense of others.

So, the how committed am I ? Maybe, just not enough.

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