Monthly Archives: October 2009

Dn’t like “Us” for Sex; Dn’t like “Us” for Money

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You know you are working too hard when it’s sunday evening and you are having your breakfast/lunch/dinner at Mr. Prata shop just down from law School. But at least, every single time I get to meet a new “friend” courtesy of Deep. This week, it was O and the first thing she told me was “Why are men ALWAYS looking out for sex?”

Of course, this did catch me off guard, it is rarely a first impression conversion topic but as I found out later O is just that kind of girl (straight forward type)

Anyways, this one liner got me thinking;

Do men ONLY care about sex ALL the time? Is that why men talk to women whether over dinner or at a club/pub ? The simple answer is; “Yes”. Sadly, if you are a physically attractive women then the only reason men would talk to you is in that expectation of having sex with you. Harsh and Gross ? Yes, but thats just the truth for you.

It’s similar to the fact that women (above age 21) are attracted to guys who are rich. A recent survey showed that 73.9% of those with annual incomes of less than $20,000 had no partners, whilst only 33.3% of men with incomes of from $90-120,000 lacked partners. This maybe for a specific country but the writer draws an analogy to all developed nations with gender equality.

So, do women ONLY  get attracted to rich guys ALL the time? Is there higher probability for a guy who buy bottle a champagne for a women in bar before talking her up compared to a poor guy who uses a lame pick up line?

I do not have statistics for the success rate of men who pick women purely for sex (but assume the rate must be low). Similar to this presumption, only 2% of men met the threshold of what 50% of women expect in terms of annual income earned by their partner (this might necessary mean than most women fail or low rate at meeting rich guys). Yet, over the last 5 years percentage has only increased (35% to 52%) even when women that realize that such expectations are unrealistic.

Both requirements (sex or money) are pursuits of happiness humans have chased behind since the time of Adam and Eve. Its just that as time passed, each gender took a particular liking to one over the other.

Girls, take my humble advice, if you do not want guys to talk to you only because they want sex, stop with the games; short skirts/tube tops/high heels?

What I recall is one of Dave Chappelle’s famous jokes;

“you(man) will be hanging out at a pub/club with your boys and then a women walks by and she is gooood. Not good in that classical way…… good I mean that she got half her ass hanging of her skirt, her t&*^ smashed together popping out of her barely existent top…. and of course, the guy talks to her and she immediately responds saying, ‘wait a minute… wait a minute…. just because I am dressed this way does not make me a whore’.

Which is true…. just because they dressed a certain way does not mean they are a certain way… dn’t ever forget that but ladies you must understrand that it is freaking confusing… it is like someone dressing up in cop uniform and then when a citizen comes asking for help and you say “Just because I am dressed this way does not make me a police officer”.

Remember that there is fundamental difference in the way men and women see things. Our test in life are different; test means things we most desire. woman’s test are material and a man’s test is a women. For example: Men can buy cars not because they like cars but because women like nice cars.  I guess both genders are just stuck in this vicious circle with no way out. So please, try not to unload all the blame on us(men).

 

The Weight on your Shoulders

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Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. The world would go on even without you. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
Norman Vincent Peal

You come across these quotes whenever you are feeling down and you need those few words from a friend, partner, family member or just google to cheer you up. To listen/read it and try to appreciate its true meaning its hard when every single time only criticism and preemptive thoughts reel in your mind.

There are so much things going on in my life right now that its just too hard to focus on one thing; to fully appreciate the troubles and worries this one thing brings much less all of them combined.

We take so many things for granted; the six hours of peaceful sleep, the goodbye kiss from your loved ones before heading off on your daily pursuits, that apology or thank you worth the words yet left unsaid, that hazy smile or laughter for conversations only forgotten with time.

We leave them in that dusty corner gazing at them when time permits but never really utilizing its true value.

Then, trouble blossoms; compounding and compounding till you do feel that heaviness and constant weary, which really no amount of sleep or smile/laughter can cure. It seems like there is no answer; no solution that would once have worked but just seem futile now.

Why this; Why now? Its been a struggle so far no doubt. To come here and accomplish this, I am anything but overwhelmed. But, now I must decide if I would give this all up for a greater “good”. To go home and be there when what awaits is nothing that no textbook or religious scripture can teach you to handle.

Creation of life/Death have a unique effect on humans. It astonishes and petrifies us at the same time. I guess what matter is not that when the time comes if you are ready to let go but rather if you ready to carry it “home”.

High Expectations: Age of Gastrosexuals

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This post is going to attract alot of heat (specially from my female friends) but this has been in my mind for some time and it HAS to come out!!

Ladies, how did we get here? Since when does a guy have to cook to impress his significant other. Of course, I am not leaping to the conclusion of that men should not be able to cook rather does the fact that a man can cook help in the grant scale of things ?

Firstly, for the people who have no idea what a Gastrosexual; he is someone who uses his cooking skills to impress friends and potential partners. These men consider it a “hobby” to cook and impress women. Apparently, more than 40% of women think its totally fine that their partner than cook. And it even goes on the say that more than a third think that men were better at cooking anyways.

There is some modest truth in that statement. Most of the worldest greatest Chefs are men but over the centuries we have never really focus on this even given our inherent proficiency. Why?

Remember, Adam Smith, Wealth of Nations; his theory of specialization. We human perform better and more effectively when we adopt and focus on what we are good at. Of course, I am not saying that women are better at house chores and raising children and men are good at working and earning money.

Quite contrary; women maybe just as good – I think that women can replace men’s role as bread winners but men can’t really replace the woman’s role in the household.

But, rather think of the comparative advantage theory; where women are just good at both than men but men choose what they are least worst at; this was working and earning money.

Therefore, nowadays women have overlooked this reason. Hence, Men are  expected to do everything under the sun. We are expected to put food on the table, look after financial stability of the family and now cook.

Men never expect women to work (unless they want to); on the flip side women only want men with financial stability; unemployment and poverty just dn’t make the cut.

Female friends have told me that they find men who can cook attractive because it shows that the man is dedicated, meticulous and caring. Seriously ? Can we judge men are these qualities in other circumstances as well ? Does it have to be when he is with an apron in the kitchen? Maybe, I cant cook to save life but at least the fact that I work 12 hour 6 day workdays so I can pay for everything she wants (still save enough for the children’s education) should help illustrate some of those traits right ?

For some heavenly reason, men were not made for cooking and house chores. Well, we can do it; just not good enough. I can think of a million and one reasons to impress  a women and show my dedication and love;

Does it matter whether I drive 30 mints to buy the best breakfast in Singapore or make it in the kitchen the best way I can? End of the day; should it matter? as long as you wake up to breakfast to bed

“Nice guys finish last because they’re pussies”

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I came across this post from a blog ; Note: the formatting of the text has been edited for ease of reading and emphasis. Well, when you think you have figured women out!!!!

this is fucking it, you are in love with me

Tonight I am thinking about love.  More specifically, love lost.  Not even lost, really.  Love not realized.  Or at least not realized until it was too late.

I have a male friend, Kyle.  Kyle emotionally exploded on me tonight.  Told me that he’s sick of finishing last, he’s too nice a guy for that.  And he was so infuriated that after all these years I hadn’t given him a chance.

This is what happens when you give the guy who doesn’t drink that often a few Buds and a shot of Fernet.

He spoke to me about how he was always there for me, always providing a shoulder to cry on or a bar tab to pick up.  Anything I needed, because he was being a caring and good friend.  Kyle talked about how he respected everything about me, especially my imperfections.  He said my imperfections were what made me perfect for him.

“I even know you’re an alcoholic,” he said.  “And I don’t care, you’re still perfect.”

You want to know why nice guys finish last?  It’s because they aren’t willing to take a chance, they’re too tied to their rules.  They see their girl at her most vulnerable moment, and instead of doing what they perceive as a dick move, they put their arms around her and they hold her.  They listen to her weep and they don’t take control of the situation.  She’s too precious to cut off.  Let her weep.

Let me tell you this:

……..nothing makes a broken woman feel more beautiful than to have a man swoop in and push her up against a wall to tell her how much better she is than that.  To kiss her, I mean really kiss her, regardless of what she might think about that.

You know why nice guys finish last?  It’s because when a guy named Bayne leaves you for no good reason and you feel like you’ve been reduced to nothing, my nice guy won’t come over and say the things I really need to hear to understand that he loves me, I mean really loves me.

Us ladies, we know we’re beautiful, we know we’re intelligent, we know we’re worth it and we’ll find “him” someday.

What we really need to hear and more importantly feel (at that moment — from you, the nice guy)) is that we’re sexy, that our inner organs that separate us from you guys are actually worth something.  That we’re so beautiful that you can’t and don’t care whether or not that kiss you’ve so desperately wanted to plant on us is going to ruin our friendship.  We want you, the nice guy, to rebel against your rules and just do what feels right.  Take control of the situation and tell us that this is fucking it, you are in love with me.  You are so in love with me that you are so unbelievably ready to ruin our friendship for a chance at love.

That you are willing to pick up that bat and attempt to hit the ball out of the fucking stadium.  Because either you strike out or you hit a home run.  No one wants to sit in the dugout.  But you don’t.  You sit in the dugout and you tell us that we’re pretty, and not fat.  That we’re worth it.  And that Bayne is just stupid and doesn’t know what he’s missing.  You’re too nice.  You’re too good of a friend.  Be a man.  Make the call.  Try your best to force us to love you.  Because in the end, you’re right.  Nice guys do finish last.  So how about you buck up and become something else.  Because otherwise you’re going to lose us, you’re going to lose me.

Nice guys finish last because they’re pussies.

My Princess in “Cashmere and Red Heels”

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How many times have we (guys) heard this “Where is my Knight in Shining Armor ?” For which, we have to relentlessly reassure them (women) that he is somewhere out there and you just to have stick in there just a little bit longer.

This got me thinking; How come guys never ask the same thing? Why don’t we fuss about true love and envision that moment in our minds over and over again.

Why dn’t we ask, “Where is my Princess in “Cashmere and Red Heels?”

After much thought, I developed a theory; “A knight in shining amour” stands for everything that can be expected from a man.

“A Knight”; Physically quite attractive – Nothing like hand-to-hand combat and riding horses to make gyming seem unavailing. Every single Knight from the Medieval times (the sample drawn from all the Medieval Hollywood movies) are just incredibly powerful and well-built (in a totally non-gay way)

“In Shining Armor”; This is meant to represent the personality of a Knight. The shining armor portraits purity and truth. With reference to “The Knight’s Oath“; we can see that “love and compassion”, “Preserve the truth”, “protect greater love willing to give up one’s own life for that of others”. To sum up, this what women like to call chivalry.

Hence, a Knight is theoretically the “perfect man”. But for men there is no such ideal or perfection in the opposite gender. A princess may be pretty and eloquent but does not necessary mean she would have a “good” personality. A kind and compassionate personality would not necessary bring about a perfect physical appearance. This may well be why Men generally prefer 80-20 compared to 30-70 (looks-personality). Because for us, there has never been a benchmark.

It may be vain but honestly, men too want to be swept off their feet. Maybe, its just the fact that it never (rarely) happens that over the years we have given up on this fancy and slowly compromised to prefer to what we can see and touch rather than on what she could offer. Just maybe over the centuries, we have just lost faith!