Things You Need to Know


Things You Need to Know This list is a glimpse of what the world looks like from the eyes of those who either know or are close to knowing true love.

1. You will probably not know your soulmate right away. When you do meet you soul mate, you will not know him or her by the fanfare and the rush of hormones. You will only know him or her by a very gentle tug on your heart. Instead of looking for the fanfare, look for that gentle tug and build a friendship without expectations of something more. In time, as the relationship blossoms, when both of you reveal your true selves, you will know.

2. Relationships rarely look like romantic movies or books. Imaginary people fall in love quickly and live happily ever after. Real people fall into real love slowly and live fully ever after.

3. It takes years to really get to know someone. The gift of being human is our complexity. Is it possible to know someone in a week, a month, a few dates? Can you reveal all of your complexity in that short amount of time? How long does it take someone to truly know you?

4. Great relationships are completely worth the effort. There is nothing like being in a great relationship. There is nothing like being seen and known by the one you love, and seeing and loving back. Whatever you need to do to get there, do it.

5. In spite of lots of bad relationships, a great relationship is possible. It doesn’t matter if you have been “unlucky in love.” All that matters is that you take the steps necessary to build a great relationship. It is essential these be different steps than the ones you have taken in the past.

6. A relationship is like a living being – it needs love, caring, space, etc. People tend to either ignore or smother relationships. In the first case they ignore their partner, thinking that a relationship, once established, will always be there. In the second case they spend every moment with their partner, give and expect undivided attention. If you had a pet, how would it survive under such conditions?

7. You don’t have to do your relationships the way your parents did theirs. Regardless of the models and world view of the previous generations, your life still belongs to you. Choose how you do your relationships, instead of blindly doing or thinking something just because it comes naturally.

8. You can only have a great relationship when you don’t need one. When your life is so wonderful that having a relationship loses its focus is when you will attract the right mate. This is not the same as forcing yourself not to think about relationships or shutting down out of disappointment.

9. There is no such thing as boredom in a relationship. There may be anger, resentment, shut down, but never boredom. How can you get bored with your partner when your needs are being met, when you have great communication, when you feel loved and love back? Could you ever be bored with that? What people think of as boredom is actually the accumulated weight of unspoken resentments and anger squeezing the life out a relationship.

10. Liking sex with someone does not mean you will like a relationship with them. However, liking a romantic relationship with someone almost certainly means you will like sex with them. So, which should you do first when you meet someone — get to know them or audition them for a sex partner?

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