I tend to view the world with some sort of cynicism. I don’t gel well with people I’ve just met because I feel socially awkward around them. Sometimes, I can’t tell if I’m really that way or I make myself out to behave that way as a defense mechanism. Maybe both. I don’t really trust myself or people around me to let my guard down. I feel like the things I say or do may someday be used against me. I am nervous, my fight or flight mechanism is perpetually in overdrive.
Then there are certain people who come into my life and somehow manage to break my walls down, slowly but surely. And then the words are tumbling out of my mouth too quick and before I know it my entire being – my feelings, my thoughts, my memories, my secrets, my heart.. Everything is suddenly theirs to keep, to safeguard.
And then I get scared. Because those are the people who always end up leaving me, taking parts of me I never get back again.