Tag Archives: Greatness at work

Understanding Relationship Drama

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The article is courtesy of Gary Van Warmerdam available at http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/relationship_matrix.htm

active link: http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/relationship_matrix.htm

Article Summary for the lazy few who don’t wanna go through the whole article:

Relationships consists of six images. Three on each side.

1. Hidden Image

2. Projected Perfect Image

3. Fraux (Created) Image of the other party in the relationship.

The Hidden Image is our side which we do not want others to see. Its like all the bad things about ourselves do not reveal to the world. Projected Perfect Image is what any person ‘should be’ or ‘achieve’. This image is created by our observations of others. It is usually influenced based on social norms and our environment. Fraux (created) Image is our perception of the other person in the relationship, partner, friend or colleague. We create an image of the other person the way we want to see that person, which may be (usually is) different from who he/she really is.

The complication arises when two people interact  with each other. One party projecting their ‘projected perfect image’ while the other party perceiving it as the fraux image. This mismatch resulting in an internal direct conflict. Furthermore, the internal conflict between ‘projected perfect image’ and ‘hidden image’ resulting is furthering of this external conflict.

The solution this article provides is that our understanding that — these images are all made up! They are fictional. We are reacting to the movie in our imagination. The only power behind these images and their stories is the belief we give them. It is only because we believe these stories and images that we react emotionally. When we don’t believe in these False Images, we eliminate the emotional reactions. End of the day it boils down to communication. Only through clear communication can one see through all these frictional images and build a long lasting relationship.

End with a quote from one the speeches available at the website:

We are not any imagine of success or we  are not the imagine of failure we have in our mind…. those imagines in our mind that just that… they are conceptual ideas of what we are… and we are not conceptual ideas.. we have the power the create them and we have the power to believe in them… but we are not the ideas of ourselves that we create

The full article was removed from my blog in respect to the author’s copyrights. However, I would encourage everyone to click on the link above and have a look at the full article and listen to the audio clips.

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Wake up and feel the difference

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Arrogant and condescending

Yeah, that’s what a majority of individuals would describe me as. I am absolutely fine with that description. Honestly, I would consider myself arrogant and condescending.

I suppose my purpose for writing this post is this: I acknowledge to the world that I am condescending and arrogant. But I don’t care and for the people who know me please dn’t tell me this as a negative characteristic I need to change.

I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge that I assume everyone shares, and so I often spill the irrelevant yet unique details of things that I have learned to anyone who will listen and find that no one finds it as fascinating as I do. I have been known to rant on many-a-subject that I have recently been devouring information on. And I am used to the typical, “Yeah, I don’t care” or “Really, I didn’t see it that way” response, and it is a response I can respect. But I have decided I am not apologizing for my behavior, because I’ll bet someone may get as excited as me about it, and it will improve their life and general knowledge just a little bit.

While I encourage curiosity, I hold no grudge against those who would rather not expand their horizons. I may feel a little sad at their loss, and this may come off as pity or condescension, but so be it.

Mostly, though, when it comes to knowledge, I encourage everyone to not be afraid of the response “I don’t know,” to any question posed. I have said it many times all over this place, and have asked for information on things that I do not know. While I may regurgitate information, I also ingest it. I actively seek it out. I become excited when I find a topic I have not explored, especially in the ‘grey areas’, where there tend to be very polarized opinions that give me very interesting insights to these unsettled topics.

All in all– I am young. I am naive. I am arrogant, and I am stupid. Stupid, because I still think that I am invincible. That I can go out and conquer the world with what I know. That I can change it. That everyone is worth meeting, and that everyone has a new perspective to share.

One day, when I’m older, I may grow bitter. But today I am content to remain arrogant and stupid. Because I am still better and smarter than you.

Birthday Revelations

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Give a dog a bad name and hang him

A philosophy that makes life easier to understand. When we have a few bad experiences after some time we stereotype those experiences resulting in certain standard results and hence avoiding such experience.For me, getting close to people was such a sterotyped experience only resulting in one thing.

On 6th January 2009, I discovered how wrong I have been about this aspect of life. Pre-6/1/09, one of my core beliefs was that it is never wise tolet people get close to me as it only leads to more bad than good. A stereotypical conclusion, I had drawn from all the bad experiences. When all seemed lost, 6/1/09 changed everything. I experienced something I have NEVER felt before. the sincerity and warmth of those individuals gave me a glimpse of what unconditional love maybe like.

So pro-6/1/09, I am a changed person….. I have faith that there are people worth having in my life….. individuals worth sharing every thought, word and deed. I have been misfortunate so far but as I was slipping on a cold martini watching the sunset at Sentosa, I decided that post-6/1/09 was gonna be a new chapter in my life and now I know there are certain individuals I would want to be there with me……

Work & Stress

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Sometimes we get caught up in the problems of life so much that we really lose perspective of what we are really trying to solve.

The best analogy would be by looking at an assortment of cups – some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.

If each one of us is given randomly a cup with water, at some point all the nice looking, expensive cups would be taken up,  leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously go for the better cups.

Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but  the quality of Life doesn’t change. If we only concentrate on the cup, we won’t have time to enjoy/taste the water in it.

Big Macs And Break-Ups

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Why guys don’t want to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them…

I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to “still be friends.”  He said, “No thanks.”  She wondered why he couldn’t fall back to being just friends after they had a romantic relationship.  I came up with the “McDonalds Analogy” to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women understand this tough question.

Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal.  A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke.  You really like this meal.  One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, “I’m sorry – you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can’t get fries with that anymore.”  You think about this for a moment, and sure – the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal.  So you say, “I’ve been able to get fries with that before, why can’t I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?”  The girls says, “Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out.”

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to KFC or BK and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window.  But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, “If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she’ll change her mind and give me some fries with that later.”  So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he’s going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the “Big Mac Combo” and he is going to hear the girl say, “Would you like fries with that?”

That’s why guys don’t like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them. So girls next time please try to understand……

Housism

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Sometimes, House MD reminds me of myself…. His character on the TV show merely emulates my personality and character in real life. The best part about him is his philosophy or insights into life… Or as I call it Housism.

My favorite 15 are listed below:

Life

  1. “Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.”
  2. “Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you’ve done to earn yours.
  3. “Life sucks. Your life sucks more than most. It’s not as bad as some, which is depressing all by itself.”
  4. “Very noble gesture. My favorite kind – dramatic, yet completely empty.”
  5. “Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person. And nothing pisses a person off more than being shoved into the wrong pigeonhole.”
  6. “…Everything is conditional. You just can’t always anticipate the conditions.”
  7. “I thought I’d get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual.”
  8. “The only value of that trust is that you can manipulate them.”
  9. “You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don’t be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.”

Sex

  1. “One caveat: I’ve moved past threesomes. I’m now into foursomes. If someone backs out, then you’ve still got a threesome. If two people back out, you’re still having sex.”
  2. “Okay, fine. I’ll father your child. But first you gotta write me a Vicodin prescription. Just so I can get through the foreplay.”

People

  1. “Problem is, if I can’t trust you, I can’t trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks anyway, you’ve been a big help.
  2. “There’s an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there’s an evolutionary imperative why we don’t give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn’t function.”
  3. “It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. The weird thing about telling someone they’re dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they’re willing to die for. What they’re willing to lie for.”
  4. “Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be religious people.”